I wrote about my 2013 Walk of Emmaus in an earlier blog, and this is a continuance of my journey upon my return. After the most amazing 3-day walk with the Lord, the fourth day arrives…it is time to return home to your family who has no idea what you have under gone. The spiritual leaders warn you upon leaving that your family won’t be any different, and thus won’t understand the change in you. Even though you have made a commitment to the Lord to change your ways, they won’t recognize Jesus in you just as two of Jesus’ followers didn’t recognize him as they walked the Road to Emmaus in Luke 24.
The fourth day was up to us and so my spiritual transformation begins. I decided to fully trust God no matter the circumstances surrounding my life. I fought hard to build a better me and a better relationship with my husband and my boys. I put a smile on my face on days when I was dying inside so I could stay in the battle against the evil in the world. I vowed to begin every morning in God’s word in the quiet of a room set apart in our house for spiritual time. I attended an “Unglued” book study with other women in the community and read books focused on improving my everyday attitude. I went through a daily ritual in my mind of throwing out the worry and negative thinking and replacing it with God’s scripture and positive thoughts.
I diligently served my family without complaining most days, but no one seemed to notice my great effort. There were many days when I wanted to go back to the old me because it was easier than consistently planning, working, cooking and cleaning without complaining, yelling or arguing with someone. Now don’t get me wrong on this; my husband and occasionally my boys would help around the house. However, no one in my household ever thought they did anything wrong or had bad attitudes; it was always me. I thought one of the boys might mention how it was nice that I wasn’t constantly yelling every morning as we left for work and school. Nope, no one said a word. And, never mind the anger from others that travelled throughout the house that I had to learn to ignore.
I continued to rise in the mornings and beg God to take ahold of my life and guide me through the difficult days. I never stopped spending my mornings worshipping with the Lord, and I also started to listen to many more amazing praise songs during this time. Through the year, there were good days and bad days, but I never gave up. Although, these were some of the most lonely and difficult days of my life, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. This was the year I started building a relationship with the Lord and learned to lean on him and not so much on me. He would send me scripture and praise songs that were meant just for me. It was like I was going on a treasure hunt because I never knew where God’s words or praise songs would show up. And, KLOVE was great at playing just the right songs.
God reminds me in Galatians 6:9 “We must not become tired of doing good. We will receive our harvest of eternal life at the right time if we do not give up.” A lot has happened since this time in 2013, but I never gave up. God’s strong hand pulled me through, and I hope you come back for the rest of the story. I will let you know how it turns out.
Love always,
Jeanette Lytle